Book Appointment
DelightsomeLands Limited Uncategorized The ‘Having Kids Later In Life’ Question, Explored By A Psychologist

The ‘Having Kids Later In Life’ Question, Explored By A Psychologist

16 May 202416 May 2024 GoshenDelight 0 Comments 06:53
Categories:

Deciding whether or not to have children is one of the most significant decisions a person will face. Any parent will tell you that there’s no way to fully prepare yourself for all that comes with parenthood.

But how does having children later in life change the equation? Here are three psychological factors to consider for anyone thinking about entering, or re-entering, parenthood in their forties, fifties, or beyond.

  1. What Type Of Happiness Are You Looking For?
    The scientific literature on happiness tends to split it into two types. There is in-the-moment happiness, which is derived from things that give us immediate gratification — for example, eating a chocolate bar or taking a hot shower on a cold day.

There’s also the related idea of life meaning, fulfillment, or reflective happiness. We experience this type of happiness when we reach a milestone or create something we are proud of. It may not be as state-altering as in-the-moment happiness, but its effects can be just as potent, especially in the long run.

Not surprisingly, research suggests that having kids increases one’s sense of reflective happiness, but does so at the expense of one’s in-the-moment happiness. (Remember, there’s no fun in the 2 a.m. wake-up calls, car spit-ups or constant barrage of dirty diapers—but there’s also no substitute for the pride a parent feels when their child learns something new or achieves something great.)

There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing one form of happiness over the other—it’s a matter of personal preference. Just be sure that your decision to enter, or re-enter, parenthood is congruent with your happiness goals at this stage in your life.

  1. How Is Your Patience Level?
    Raising children takes heaps of patience. It’s important to ask yourself, honestly, if you have the patience to embark on an 18-year (perhaps more) journey of protecting, watching, nurturing, and teaching your child.

Everyone has a different barometer for patience, and patience levels naturally ebb and flow throughout one’s life. You may remember periods of your own life when your patience was particularly high or low, perhaps coinciding with life changes/stressors you were experiencing.

Scientific research can help us gauge our patience levels. According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, patience can be broken down into three categories: interpersonal, life hardship, and daily hassles patience. The researchers devised the following 11 agree-disagree statements to assess one’s level of patience:

  • My friends would say I’m a very patient friend.
  • I am able to wait out tough times.
  • Although they’re annoying, I don’t get too upset when stuck in traffic jams.
  • I am patient with other people.
  • I find it pretty easy to be patient with a difficult life problem or illness.
  • In general waiting in lines doesn’t bother me.
  • I have trouble being patient with my close friends and family.
  • I am patient during life’s hardships.
  • When someone is having difficulty learning something new, I will be able to help them without getting frustrated or annoyed.
  • I get very annoyed at red lights.
  • I find it easy to be patient with people.
  • Think about where you fall on the patience continuum and use that information to guide your decision regarding children.
  1. What Is Your True Motivation For Wanting A Child?
    Any decision of consequence should be met with a healthy dose of introspection. Do your best to probe your motivations for wanting a child at this stage of your life (seeking out therapy can help in this process).

While you are the only person who truly knows what’s going on inside your head, science can help you formulate a plan.

Generally speaking, research separates goal-setting and goal-directed behavior into two categories: intrinsic and extrinsic. An intrinsic goal or motivation can be defined as something you want to do for you while an extrinsic goal might be something others expect you to do or something you feel you should do. Psychologists will tell you that success, however you define it, typically comes more naturally to those who follow the things they are intrinsically motivated to do.

Think deeply about your desire to have children at this stage of your life and ask yourself the following five research-inspired questions, keeping the intrinsic versus extrinsic dichotomy in mind:

  • Does somebody else want me to achieve this goal, or will I get something from someone if I do?
  • Would I feel ashamed if I didn’t achieve this goal?
  • Do I really believe this is an important goal to have?
  • Will this goal provide me with fun and enjoyment?
  • Does this goal represent who I am and reflect what I value most in life?

Conclusion
No two parenting journeys are ever the same. As long as you’re entering with a plan and for the right reasons, there’s never a wrong time to have children.

Source

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Post

What is Postpartum Depression?Postpartum depression (PPD) is a complex mix of physical, emotional, and behavioral changes that happen in some women after giving birth. According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental disorders, PPD is a form of major depression that begins within 4 weeks after delivery. The diagnosis of postpartum depression is based not only on the length of time between delivery and onset but on the severity of the depression.Postpartum depression is linked to chemical, social, and psychological changes that happen when having a baby. The term describes a range of physical and emotional changes that many new mothers experience. PPD can be treated with medication and counseling.The chemical changes involve a rapid drop in hormones after delivery. The actual link between this drop and depression is still not clear. But what is known is that the levels of estrogen and progesterone, the female reproductive hormones, increase tenfold during pregnancy. Then, they drop sharply after delivery. By 3 days after a woman gives birth, the levels of these hormones drop back to what they were before pregnancy.In addition to these chemical changes, the social and psychological changes of having a baby create an increased risk of depression.Most new mothers experience the “baby blues” after delivery. About 1 out of every 10 of these women will develop a more severe and longer-lasting depression after delivery. About 1 in 1,000 women develop a more serious condition called postpartum psychosis.Dads aren’t immune. Research shows that about 1 in 10 new fathers get depression during the year their child is born. *Postpartum Depression Signs and Symptoms*Symptoms of postpartum depression can be hard to detect. Many women have these symptoms following childbirth:•Trouble sleeping •Appetite changes •Severe fatigue •Lower libido •Frequent mood changes With PPD, these come along with other symptoms of major depression, which aren’t typical after childbirth, and may include: •Being uninterested in your baby or feeling like you’re not bonding with them•Crying all the time, often for no reason•Depressed mood •Severe anger and crankiness•Loss of pleasure •Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness •Thoughts of death or suicide •Thoughts of hurting someone else•Trouble concentrating or making decisionsSymptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that are new rarely occur in the postpartum period (about 1%-3% of women). The obsessions are usually related to concerns about the baby’s health or irrational fears of harming the baby. Panic disorder may also happen. You can have these conditions and depression at the same time.Untreated postpartum depression can be dangerous for new moms and their children. A new mom should seek professional help when:•Symptoms persist beyond 2 weeks•They can’t function normally•They can’t cope with everyday situations•They have thoughts of harming themselves or their baby•They’re feeling extremely anxious, scared, and panicked most of the day.*Postpartum Depression Causes and Risk Factors*If you have PPD, it’s not because you did anything wrong. Experts think it happens for many reasons, and those can be different for different people. Some things that can raise the chances of postpartum depression include:•A history of depression prior to becoming pregnant, or during pregnancy•Age at time of pregnancy (the younger you are, the higher the chances)•Ambivalence about the pregnancyChildren (the more you have, the more likely you are to be depressed in a later pregnancy)•Family history of mood disorders•Going through an extremely stressful event, like a job loss or health crisis•Having a child with special needs or health problems•Having twins or triplets•Having a history of depression or premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)•Limited social support•Living alone•Marital conflictThere’s no one cause of postpartum depression, but these physical and emotional issues may contribute:*•Hormones*. The dramatic drop in estrogen and progesterone after you give birth may play a role. Other hormones produced by your thyroid gland also may drop sharply and make you feel tired, sluggish and depressed.*•Lack of sleep.* When you’re sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, you may have trouble handling even minor problems. *•Anxiety*. You may be anxious about your ability to care for a newborn. *•Self Image.* You may feel less attractive, struggle with your sense of identity, or feel that you’ve lost control over your life. _Any of these issues can contribute to postpartum depression._*Types of postpartum depression*There are three terms used to describe the mood changes women can have after giving birth:•The “baby blues”happen to as many as 70% of women in the days right after childbirth. You may have sudden mood swings, such as feeling very happy and then feeling very sad. You may cry for no reason and can feel impatient, cranky, restless, anxious, lonely, and sad. The baby blues may last only a few hours or as long as 1 to 2 weeks after delivery. Usually you don’t need treatment from a health care provider for baby blues. Often, joining a support group of new moms or talking with other moms helps.•*Postpartum depression (PPD) *can happen a few days or even months after childbirth. PPD can happen after the birth of any child, not just the first child. You can have feelings similar to the baby blues — sadness, despair, anxiety, crankiness — but you feel them much more strongly. PPD often keeps you from doing the things you need to do every day. When your ability to function is affected, you need to see a health care provider, such as your OB/GYN or primary care doctor. This doctor can screen you for depression symptoms and come up with a treatment plan. If you don’t get treatment for PPD, symptoms can get worse. While PPD is a serious condition, it can be treated with medication and counseling.•*Postpartum psychosis* is a very serious mental illness that can affect new mothers. This illness can happen quickly, often within the first 3 months after childbirth. Women can lose touch with reality, having auditory hallucinations (hearing things that aren’t actually happening, like a person talking) and delusions (strongly believing things that are clearly irrational). Visual hallucinations (seeing things that aren’t there) are less common. Other symptoms include insomnia (not being able to sleep), feeling agitated and angry, pacing, restlessness, and strange feelings and behaviors. Women who have postpartum psychosis need treatment right away and almost always need medication. Sometimes women are put into the hospital because they are at risk for hurting themselves or someone else.*Postpartum Depression Treatment*Postpartum depression is treated differently, depending on the type of symptoms and how severe they are. Treatment options include anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications, psychotherapy, and participation in a support group for emotional support and education. For severe cases, an IV of a new medication called brexanolone (Zulresso) may be prescribed.In the case of postpartum psychosis, drugs used to treat psychosis are usually added. Hospital admission is also often necessary.If you are breastfeeding, don’t assume that you can’t take medication for depression, anxiety, or even psychosis. Talk to your doctor. Under a doctor’s supervision, many women take medication while breastfeeding. This is a decision to be made between you and your doctor.*Postpartum Depression Complications*Postpartum depression that isn’t treated can weaken your ability to bond with your baby, and affect the whole family:•*You*. Postpartum depression that’s not treated can last for months or longer, even turning into a chronic depressive disorder. Even with treatment, postpartum depression can make you more likely to have episodes of depression in the future.•*The baby’s father*. When a new mother has depression, the father may be more likely to have depression too.•*Children*. Children of mothers with postpartum depression are more likely to have problems with sleeping and eating, crying more than usual, and delays in language development.*Postpartum Depression Prevention*If you have a history of depression, tell your doctor as soon as you find out you’re pregnant, or if you’re planning to become pregnant.During pregnancy. Your doctor can monitor you for symptoms. You can manage mild depression symptoms with support groups, counseling, or other therapies. Your doctor may prescribe medications, even while you’re pregnant.After your baby is born. Your doctor may recommend an early postpartum checkup to look for symptoms of depression. The earlier you’re diagnosed, the earlier you can begin treatment. If you have a history of postpartum depression, your doctor may recommend treatment as soon as you have the baby.Managing after childbirthHere are some tips that can help you cope with bringing home a newborn:•Ask for help. Let others know how they can help you.•Be realistic about your expectations for yourself and baby.•Exercise , within the limits of any restrictions your doctor may place on your level of activity; take a walk, and get out of the house for a break.•Expect some good days and some bad days.•Follow a sensible diet; avoid alcohol and caffeine.•Foster the relationship with your partner — make time for each other.•Keep in touch with family and friends — don’t isolate yourself.•Limit visitors when you first go home.•Screen phone calls.•Sleep or rest when your baby sleeps.Source webmd.comWhat is Postpartum Depression?Postpartum depression (PPD) is a complex mix of physical, emotional, and behavioral changes that happen in some women after giving birth. According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental disorders, PPD is a form of major depression that begins within 4 weeks after delivery. The diagnosis of postpartum depression is based not only on the length of time between delivery and onset but on the severity of the depression.Postpartum depression is linked to chemical, social, and psychological changes that happen when having a baby. The term describes a range of physical and emotional changes that many new mothers experience. PPD can be treated with medication and counseling.The chemical changes involve a rapid drop in hormones after delivery. The actual link between this drop and depression is still not clear. But what is known is that the levels of estrogen and progesterone, the female reproductive hormones, increase tenfold during pregnancy. Then, they drop sharply after delivery. By 3 days after a woman gives birth, the levels of these hormones drop back to what they were before pregnancy.In addition to these chemical changes, the social and psychological changes of having a baby create an increased risk of depression.Most new mothers experience the “baby blues” after delivery. About 1 out of every 10 of these women will develop a more severe and longer-lasting depression after delivery. About 1 in 1,000 women develop a more serious condition called postpartum psychosis.Dads aren’t immune. Research shows that about 1 in 10 new fathers get depression during the year their child is born. *Postpartum Depression Signs and Symptoms*Symptoms of postpartum depression can be hard to detect. Many women have these symptoms following childbirth:•Trouble sleeping •Appetite changes •Severe fatigue •Lower libido •Frequent mood changes With PPD, these come along with other symptoms of major depression, which aren’t typical after childbirth, and may include: •Being uninterested in your baby or feeling like you’re not bonding with them•Crying all the time, often for no reason•Depressed mood •Severe anger and crankiness•Loss of pleasure •Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and helplessness •Thoughts of death or suicide •Thoughts of hurting someone else•Trouble concentrating or making decisionsSymptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) that are new rarely occur in the postpartum period (about 1%-3% of women). The obsessions are usually related to concerns about the baby’s health or irrational fears of harming the baby. Panic disorder may also happen. You can have these conditions and depression at the same time.Untreated postpartum depression can be dangerous for new moms and their children. A new mom should seek professional help when:•Symptoms persist beyond 2 weeks•They can’t function normally•They can’t cope with everyday situations•They have thoughts of harming themselves or their baby•They’re feeling extremely anxious, scared, and panicked most of the day.*Postpartum Depression Causes and Risk Factors*If you have PPD, it’s not because you did anything wrong. Experts think it happens for many reasons, and those can be different for different people. Some things that can raise the chances of postpartum depression include:•A history of depression prior to becoming pregnant, or during pregnancy•Age at time of pregnancy (the younger you are, the higher the chances)•Ambivalence about the pregnancyChildren (the more you have, the more likely you are to be depressed in a later pregnancy)•Family history of mood disorders•Going through an extremely stressful event, like a job loss or health crisis•Having a child with special needs or health problems•Having twins or triplets•Having a history of depression or premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)•Limited social support•Living alone•Marital conflictThere’s no one cause of postpartum depression, but these physical and emotional issues may contribute:*•Hormones*. The dramatic drop in estrogen and progesterone after you give birth may play a role. Other hormones produced by your thyroid gland also may drop sharply and make you feel tired, sluggish and depressed.*•Lack of sleep.* When you’re sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, you may have trouble handling even minor problems. *•Anxiety*. You may be anxious about your ability to care for a newborn. *•Self Image.* You may feel less attractive, struggle with your sense of identity, or feel that you’ve lost control over your life. _Any of these issues can contribute to postpartum depression._*Types of postpartum depression*There are three terms used to describe the mood changes women can have after giving birth:•The “baby blues”happen to as many as 70% of women in the days right after childbirth. You may have sudden mood swings, such as feeling very happy and then feeling very sad. You may cry for no reason and can feel impatient, cranky, restless, anxious, lonely, and sad. The baby blues may last only a few hours or as long as 1 to 2 weeks after delivery. Usually you don’t need treatment from a health care provider for baby blues. Often, joining a support group of new moms or talking with other moms helps.•*Postpartum depression (PPD) *can happen a few days or even months after childbirth. PPD can happen after the birth of any child, not just the first child. You can have feelings similar to the baby blues — sadness, despair, anxiety, crankiness — but you feel them much more strongly. PPD often keeps you from doing the things you need to do every day. When your ability to function is affected, you need to see a health care provider, such as your OB/GYN or primary care doctor. This doctor can screen you for depression symptoms and come up with a treatment plan. If you don’t get treatment for PPD, symptoms can get worse. While PPD is a serious condition, it can be treated with medication and counseling.•*Postpartum psychosis* is a very serious mental illness that can affect new mothers. This illness can happen quickly, often within the first 3 months after childbirth. Women can lose touch with reality, having auditory hallucinations (hearing things that aren’t actually happening, like a person talking) and delusions (strongly believing things that are clearly irrational). Visual hallucinations (seeing things that aren’t there) are less common. Other symptoms include insomnia (not being able to sleep), feeling agitated and angry, pacing, restlessness, and strange feelings and behaviors. Women who have postpartum psychosis need treatment right away and almost always need medication. Sometimes women are put into the hospital because they are at risk for hurting themselves or someone else.*Postpartum Depression Treatment*Postpartum depression is treated differently, depending on the type of symptoms and how severe they are. Treatment options include anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications, psychotherapy, and participation in a support group for emotional support and education. For severe cases, an IV of a new medication called brexanolone (Zulresso) may be prescribed.In the case of postpartum psychosis, drugs used to treat psychosis are usually added. Hospital admission is also often necessary.If you are breastfeeding, don’t assume that you can’t take medication for depression, anxiety, or even psychosis. Talk to your doctor. Under a doctor’s supervision, many women take medication while breastfeeding. This is a decision to be made between you and your doctor.*Postpartum Depression Complications*Postpartum depression that isn’t treated can weaken your ability to bond with your baby, and affect the whole family:•*You*. Postpartum depression that’s not treated can last for months or longer, even turning into a chronic depressive disorder. Even with treatment, postpartum depression can make you more likely to have episodes of depression in the future.•*The baby’s father*. When a new mother has depression, the father may be more likely to have depression too.•*Children*. Children of mothers with postpartum depression are more likely to have problems with sleeping and eating, crying more than usual, and delays in language development.*Postpartum Depression Prevention*If you have a history of depression, tell your doctor as soon as you find out you’re pregnant, or if you’re planning to become pregnant.During pregnancy. Your doctor can monitor you for symptoms. You can manage mild depression symptoms with support groups, counseling, or other therapies. Your doctor may prescribe medications, even while you’re pregnant.After your baby is born. Your doctor may recommend an early postpartum checkup to look for symptoms of depression. The earlier you’re diagnosed, the earlier you can begin treatment. If you have a history of postpartum depression, your doctor may recommend treatment as soon as you have the baby.Managing after childbirthHere are some tips that can help you cope with bringing home a newborn:•Ask for help. Let others know how they can help you.•Be realistic about your expectations for yourself and baby.•Exercise , within the limits of any restrictions your doctor may place on your level of activity; take a walk, and get out of the house for a break.•Expect some good days and some bad days.•Follow a sensible diet; avoid alcohol and caffeine.•Foster the relationship with your partner — make time for each other.•Keep in touch with family and friends — don’t isolate yourself.•Limit visitors when you first go home.•Screen phone calls.•Sleep or rest when your baby sleeps.Source webmd.com

16 May 202416 May 2024| GoshenDelight| 0 Comments

Uncategorized