HOW TO TRICK A KID INTO TALKING ABOUT THEIR DAY

Kids clam up. It happens. When kids won’t talk, parents’ best tools are patience and gentleness.

It’s nice for parents to know about their preschooler or kindergartener’s day, and not just because of bullying can happen outside of view. Parents can help a child put the days’ events into perspective,but they can’t if the kid won’t talk because they’re naturally reticent, embarrassed, ashamed,or guilty about something that happened in school. So what can parents do? They can start by recognising that parents and children are on the same team. It’s the silence that’s the problem.

“Your kid loves you and wants to talk to you,but there is some natural resistance. The resistance is your foe,not your kid”, says Dr.Shane Owens, a board-certified behavioural and cognitive psychologist and a dad. “You’re talking to your child,not a suspect in a crime. Patience and understanding are key”.

The long game is best- asking them about their day from a very young age makes it a habit in later years. Parents can model the kind of behaviour they want to see by talking about their days, before encouraging a preschooler to talk about what happened at daycare. Starting with positive,gentle conversations can help ease the transition into More emotionally-fraught territory. A kid with a tradition of sharing information who suddenly stops talking about school might be an indication that there is something wrong. That’s when parents need to double down on the patience.

Kids who are reluctant to open up about their day aren’t likely to share any faster because their Mom or dad is firing off questions at them. Simply sitting with them and doing something else allows them space to organise their thoughts and bring things up when they are ready. It also allows parents to simply have a good time with their child,which makes it easier for the kid to open up next time.

But say the child never makes any effort to open up,even after an hour of Legos. It’s okay to ask questions, although parents should be aware that straightforward questions are easily answered in a straightforward way that doesn’t necessarily lower the child’s reserve. Sometimes the more effective approach is to ask a jokey question. That can disarm a guarded child, if the humor’s done correctly.

“You can knock a kid’s resistance off balance by asking a question in a deliberately silly or wrong way,” Owens Suggests. “My wife and I will often ask our daughter things like ‘Did you eat three bagels for lunch today?’ to get our daughter – who is a picky eater and reticent with details – to talk about what she actually ate. She likes to call us out on being wrong or ridiculous”


Once a child gets old enough to roll their eyes in disdain at their parents’ clowning, that approach may not work as well. In that case,parents can draw on what they know about their child, make an educated guess on what the issue is, and phrase the question as a request for help.

“Something what often works with older kids is asking them to help you solve a problem similar to those they might be having, “Owens explains. ” For instance,If you think your daughter is having trouble with one of her friends, you might say something to her like ‘I’m having this problem with a friend of mine who isn’t answering my texts. What do you think she’s trying to tell me?Do you think she might be mad at me?”

It’s both a display of empathy from the parent and an exercise in empathy for the child. It gives parents information into what their child is dealing with, and it is an opportunity for kids to think about their own problems at some remove. And whatever information is revealed by any technique,parents need to make problems at some remove. And whatever information is revealed by any technique, parents need to make sure they listen and remember what their kid is talking about, especially since they may not get a second chance.
Source: Fatherly Newsletter