Having worked extensively with adults navigating the enduring impacts of childhood emotional neglect, I can attest that those deprived of validation during their early years often display common behaviors in adulthood.

This absence of validation in childhood can result in profound emotional and psychological hurdles later in life, presenting in ways that may perplex or trouble both the individual and those around them.

In this article, we’ll explore eight typical behaviors often seen in adults who lacked sufficient validation during their formative years.

This discussion aims not to assign blame or shame but to offer insights that may aid individuals in understanding their behaviors and seeking any necessary support.

1) Difficulty accepting compliments
When validation is scarce in one’s formative years, it can be challenging to believe or accept affirmation from others later in life.

This difficulty often stems from a deep-seated belief that they are not worthy of praise or recognition.

Even when compliments are sincere and well-deserved, these individuals may dismiss them or downplay their achievements, struggling to internalize positive feedback.

In some cases, this can also manifest as self-deprecation or a constant need for reassurance, further underlining their struggle with self-worth and self-validation.

2) Tendency to overcompensate in relationships
Adults who lacked validation during childhood often overcompensate in relationships due to a fear of rejection or abandonment.

This can drive them to extremes to please others.

In their quest for acceptance and approval, they may shoulder excessive responsibilities, agree to tasks against their will, or stifle their own needs.

They might feel accountable for others’ emotions and joy, often neglecting their own well-being.

This inclination to overcompensate can foster unhealthy relationship patterns where their needs are routinely overlooked.

3) Struggle with setting boundaries
Individuals who were deprived of validation as children often struggle with setting healthy boundaries in adulthood.

This is largely because they may not have been taught to respect their own needs or the needs of others during their formative years.

This struggle can manifest in different ways, such as allowing others to encroach on their personal space, time, or resources, or failing to communicate their own needs and preferences clearly.

They may feel guilty or anxious about asserting themselves and their needs, fearing that it might lead to conflict or rejection.

4) Hyper-sensitivity to criticism
Growing up without validation can make individuals hypersensitive to criticism in adulthood.

Even a simple suggestion or constructive feedback might feel like a personal attack, triggering defensive reactions or deep emotional distress.

This hypersensitivity often stems from insecurity and self-doubt rooted in years of not feeling good enough.

It can significantly impact personal and professional relationships, hindering the ability to accept guidance and develop.

5) Tendency for perfectionism
Those who were deprived of validation as children may develop a tendency for perfectionism in their adult life.

This often results from the belief that they must be flawless to be worthy of love and acceptance.

Perfectionists set impossibly high standards for themselves and feel deeply disappointed when they cannot meet them.

This can lead to a vicious cycle of self-criticism and self-doubt, further reinforcing their feelings of inadequacy.

While a certain degree of striving for excellence can be healthy, extreme perfectionism can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression.

6) Propensity towards overthinking
Adults who lacked validation during childhood often display a tendency to overthink.

They incessantly question themselves, their choices, and ruminate excessively on past experiences.

This inclination towards overthinking may stem from their apprehension of making errors and encountering criticism, or their aspiration to regulate outcomes to evade future letdowns.

It often results in anxiety, decision-making paralysis, and a propensity to doubt their own judgment.

7) Struggle with self-identity
Adults who lacked validation during childhood often grapple with their sense of self-identity in adulthood.

Due to a lack of encouragement to express themselves freely and a deficit of validation for their unique qualities and interests, they may struggle to comprehend their individuality.

This struggle can evoke feelings of emptiness or confusion regarding their personal values, preferences, and aspirations.

Consequently, they might perpetually attempt to conform to perceived societal expectations rather than embracing their authentic selves and living in alignment with their intrinsic values.

8) Tendency to internalize failure
Adults lacking validation in childhood tend to internalize failure growing up.

They tend to excessively blame themselves when things go awry, viewing failures or mistakes as reflections of their worth, rather than opportunities for growth.

This habit amplifies feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, hindering their resilience in bouncing back from setbacks.

Additionally, it discourages them from taking risks or seizing opportunities due to fear of failure.

Embracing the journey of self-healing
If you resonate with these traits, don’t view them as flaws, but rather as signals pointing to areas needing nurturing and development.

Seeking help and embarking on this healing journey is always an option.

Therapy, counseling, and self-help tools can provide guidance, helping you unpack and make sense of your experiences.

Through this process, you can reframe your past, foster healthier relationships, and cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth.

Remember to be patient with yourself; healing takes time.

Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating.

Your goal isn’t perfection but becoming a healthier, happier you.

Source